Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
