he shaved USA in his pubs
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
