Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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