He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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