the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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