Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
