I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
