i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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