if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
