I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
