I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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