I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
