I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think I died a long time ago.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
