Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
