Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
did you just send me my own nude
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
