my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
