Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
