So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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