I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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