I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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