I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
