New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
