You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
