I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
