she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
