Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
