thus making me awesome and them whores
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
