i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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