nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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