Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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