after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
