i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
