You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I will be naked everywhere
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
