in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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