That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
