Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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