Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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