Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
false alarm, still single
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
