Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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