Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
