Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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