remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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