tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
