She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
