My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
