and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I need to align my fucking chakras
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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