please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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