So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
