2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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