I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
