im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
