Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
