i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
