dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
