We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
