just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
