if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
