Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
